The Harry Potter Crew Writes a Fan Letter
by Unhappy Squirrel
Summary: Post Deathly Hallows, preEpilogue. My way of ranting about the ending. Rated for language.


The Harry Potter Crew Writes a Fan Letter

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A/N: I don't own Harry Potter, and it's more of a rant than a fanfic, but don't get me wrong, I did like the book

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"Damn her," muttered Ron seated next Hermione, who had thrown away multiple pieces of paper. Kreacher swiftly grabbed the parchment, and tossed it in the fire. The three-year-old Ted Lupin pulled of Harry's glasses and proceeded to run around the kitchen, changing his hair and eye color to match Harry's. Swiping up a fireplace poker, he laughed happily.

"ZAP!" cried Ted, waving the poker like a wand. Harry raced after the toddler trying and failing to retrieve his spectacles. Ginny, however, leaned down to pick up the child. Placing him on her lap, she handed Harry his glasses. Nodding his thanks, he sat back down.

Hermione was busily writing. Ron, leaning over her shoulder, shook his head. "Not enough anger," he said. The witch rolled her eyes and tossed yet another paper aside. Kreacher plucked it out of the air, and placed in the, now roaring, fire. Afterwards, he once again busied himself with a nice smelling leek and onion soup, or as nice smelling such a soup could get.

Hours later, more and more people showed up, eagerly waiting for the completed version. Soon, the large kitchen became cramped and people filed in the hallway. Kreacher gave up attempting to cook for that many people and resumed cleaning the cutlery. Occasionally, he would pop up and throw the wasted paper in the fire.

"Rant more." Ron continued to criticize. Hermione broke and crumpled up her latest attempt. She had finally cracked.

"HERE!" she cried, "YOU WRITE IT THEN!"

Ron nimbly dodged her angry fist and picked up the quill. Scribbling quickly, he paused every so often to dip it in the ink. Finally, after ten minutes, he was done. Passing the letter around, people began nodding their approval.

_Dear JK Rowling,_

_HOW COULD YOU?! First, you kill of Sirius, one of the best (and funniest aside from Ronald Weasley) characters, in the whole damn series. Then Dumbledore dies, then you shame him, then you kill Hedwig, then Mad-Eye. Oh, have I also mentioned that YOU KILLED DUMBLEDORE. He was AWESOME! I DON'T CARE IF HE TOLD SNAPE TO DO SO OR IF HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A STUCK UP PRAT IN HIS YOUTH! HOW COULD YOU?!_

_Then Kreacher, great cook, has a wonderful change of heart, at the cost of Dobby. Damn you for killing him. I loved that funny elf. Then the damn battle at Hogwarts starts._

_DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DEVASTATED GEORGE IS?! HUH? __**HUH**__? Right now, he's is bawling in the corner. Don't think you can replace Fred with Percy. He's still a prat, you know (and his sick sweets taste disgusting. Have I also mentioned his lack of creativity?)._

_Mum (Molly Weasley) thanks you for letting her kill Bellatrix Lestrange, although nearly murdering Ginny is not the way to let her get to fight._

_How the bloody hell did Neville get the sword of Gryffindor? I thought Griphook was supposed to have the real one, and the fake was supposed to be in the Lestrange's vault._

_You suddenly kill Snape and make him a good person. MAKE UP YOUR MIND, DAMN IT!_

_There's still another thing that I haven't covered. YOU KILLED REMUS LUPIN AND TONKS. YOU KILLED THEM RIGHT AFTER THEY HAD A BABY, AFTER THEY REALIZED THAT THEY BOTH LOVED EACH OTHER! Damn you woman, have you no heart? You orphaned a baby only a month after it was born, IF THAT!_

_Don't think you can make up for these deaths with an Epilogue and an ending of "All was well." Why did _I_ have to end up with a child named 'Hugo?' That's just wrong._

_If I find anything else to rant about, I shall do so with communicating through a felly tone. Thank you, and good riddance._

_Signed,_

_Ronald Weasley and the whole damn Harry Potter crew_

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Everyone waited for an answer to their questions, rants, and whatnot. It finally came five days later. Ron ripped open the envelope from the Ministry of Magic and frowned. It read:

_Dear Ronald Weasley and 'the whole damn Harry Potter crew,'_

_We regret to inform you that your 'letter' was not allowed to be sent. We hope we do not have to remind you of the International Statue of Secrecy Section Eighty-six, Clause Nine-hundred-and-twenty-three's coverage of letters. You cannot send such a thing to a muggle._

_Thank you for your cooperation,_

_Ministry Of Magic's Post-watch, Alexandra Wilkins_

Ron threw the letter aside, muttering, "Damn woman."


End file.
